Unrequited ...

I take a deep breath. My heart is an intricate scarlet Chinese knot. Must I do this? There really isn't a choice. With a sigh, I turn around & take a seat at the table. I am staring at the tops of my thighs ... sighing again, I look up.

How was your day, I ask.

No response.

I missed you. Silence.

I know we haven't been getting along ... please look at me? Tears start stinging at the edges of my eyes.

I don't know you anymore, and yet, I know you so well! Please say something, I beg.

I want to hear your voice again. The beauty of your laugh, the unfettered joy of that special laugh you used to have. How everything used to glow with a special anticipation through your eyes!

Please talk to me? Did I do this to you? I can't stand that glowering, accusatory glare ...

I love you ...

I LOVE you. Did you hear me? The scarlet knot slithers a little tighter.

My voice turns hoarse ... you love me. Say you love me.

She looks back at me and I know there MUST be love swimming somewhere behind those weary doubting eyes.

What does she see when she looks at me? My ample chins, quivering flab ... my eyes that barely light up anymore. Haunted, trapped, old and so very very tired. HOW can she love me? How many times have I betrayed her? Sold her into misery, lied about how she had no choice ... unlovable.

I put my hand up - her hand comes up to meet mine. You are mine. I LOVE YOU. Do you HEAR ME? I. LOVE. YOU.

Today is the beginning of this love. You DESERVE this love. I promise it.

Slowly, I stand up and put my face against the mirror. Our faces meet and my tears slide hotly down, misting the mirror.

I will be back tomorrow.